We rigorously derive an effective quantum mechanical Hamiltonian from N = 4 gauge theory in the BMN limit. Its eigenvalues yield the exact one-loop anomalous dimensions of scalar two-impurity BMN operators for all genera. It is demonstrated that this reformulation vastly simplifies computations. E.g., the known anomalous dimension formula for genus one is reproduced through a one-line calculation. We also efficiently evaluate the genus two correction, finding a non-vanishing result. We comment on multi-trace two-impurity operators and we conjecture that our quantum-mechanical reformulation could be extended to higher quantum loops and more impurities.